Today when I was going to the grocery store, I was thinking about how relieved I’ll be to just be out of this town. There’s a sense of heaviness, an comfortableness and an anxiousness I have being here. I don’t want to be bothered by anyone I may run into. I don’t want to see the same people and the same places that I know will be stuck here, just as I have been for so many years. I don’t think of myself as “better” than anyone here – it’s just not enough for me. I don’t have anything to contribute to this town and it has nothing to benefit me anymore. There’s no work (there hasn’t been for years), there’s no real happiness or anything that keeps me rejuvenated. When I was alone, I just had myself and my writing and my “work” to keep me company. Then I had to live the same boring life here because I was stuck and even though I couldn’t stand doing the same things I did for so many years, I did them. There was nothing else to do. I wouldn’t say that I’ve been happy here. Yes, I have good memories of times with my friends from the near and recent past. But no, I was not really happy. Not until I met my mister. It’s amazing how the window is opened and a whole new way of living is introduced. It’s the most wonderful, most treasured gift I’ve ever been given in this life – to be with my mister.
Soon he will be with me, then soon after I will take the cat and go to be with him. It’s so exciting to have such a goal and such things to look forward to. I want to write in here just to gush over how great it all is. I will have the life I am supposed to have with the man I am supposed to live my life with. I understand now how life can be happy. I understand why people smile and are care free. I understand why people want to live their lives. Love is such a miraculous and essential part of living. I’m so eternally grateful that I found that out and that I have it to cherish.