she knew she had to change her plans

A place in a home that is safe and warm March 21, 2010

Filed under: miscellaneous — deloresdefacto @ 4:22 pm
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I’ve been sick for days and this is the first normal, productive act I’ve done since last week.  I had food poisoning, or the flu, or something equally as retched and now I’m almost 100%.  Still just tired all the time and that started early last week.  I should have known it was coming on.  I didn’t want to go to the gym, didn’t want to do any work, etc.  Now I know why.  I had to skip teaching one day because of how bad I felt.  It was for the best – no way I could have made it.  The driving alone would have been difficult.

While I was cooped up here alone doing nothing, I felt even more alone in this place.  I mean, seriously, it’s not natural to have no place to go and no one to talk to each day.  I mean, yes, I talk to my mister, but having him in the same home is completely different.  There’s a comfortable feeling that there’s actual living going on.  I don’t feel like a ghost or stuck in some day dream when I’m with him.  This is why my move is such a blessing – this is not the place I need to be.  I’ve known that for some time. 

So while I am waiting to recover, I’ll post this little update just to say I did.  I keep thinking I’ll keep updating twice a week but I just don’t.

I haven’t written, haven’t read, haven’t done anything but get a jumpstart on my diet.  I can’t eat much so that’s helped me shave a few pounds off.  So if I can keep up the lack of overeating (and I know I’m doing that out of boredom too) then I can get back to a ballpark weight that I’m more content with.  I ordered CDs:  Kasabian “West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum”, The XX “The XX”, and The White Stripes “Under Great White Northern Lights”.  I’ve watched a lot of television (there’s nothing on in the daytime;  if you ever want to know what you’re missing while you’re at work, don’t worry anymore.  There’s nothing interesting going on while your home except chat shows.)

Before I got sick I’d finally started writing (for myself only) a bunch of things I wanted to get off my chest about my former friend.  It helped a lot because I know nothing I have said will stay on my mind.  Once it’s out and expressed, even just for my own peace of mind, then it doesn’t have any bearing over me.  I was also getting myself ready for mister to be here and for me to be moved out.  I have a little over six months before I go and I am a pack rat so there’s a bunch of stuff I have to either donate or throw out.  I still think I should just have the moving van take my things to my parents’ house up north and keep my things I may want to take back slowly but surely (books, notebooks, etc.) in storage in town.  Again, it’s a big, wonderful project and I’m so thankful to have it.  I can keep my sanity knowing I’m getting out of this static state.

It’s raining quite hard out right now and I’ll lounge about on the couch some more as I’ve been doing all weekend.  The air this week has been so fresh and nice.  Spring is surely here.

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I know it’s all a rut, you want me to prove it to you November 12, 2008

Filed under: miscellaneous,Uncategorized — deloresdefacto @ 12:38 pm
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This morning I was flipping through channels and I saw a Q&A topic up on the screen from the (stupid) Mike and Juliet show. It was for a guest (whose name is still unavailable online or in the show’s information) finance adviser. These people amaze me. I mean, aside from the obvious “you don’t understand my situation” aspect of “you have a job, and a nice paying job that requires you to be on television and I have none”, they don’t really have any good advice.
The question today was, “I am $10,000 in debt with credit cards and I’ve lost my job, what do I do?” Well, that was me. That was me for over a year. The financial adviser said, “Call the creditors and tell them your situation. They’ll understand. They want you to be able to pay them off. They don’t want you to go into debt. They’ll give you a temporary grace period to help you through this.”
{snicker} Yeah, right!
When I lost my job, even before I stopped getting paychecks, I called every creditor I had and told them I was unemployed. They all told me, “You still have to pay.” At least Discover offered that insurance bit for if you lose your job, and I tried to enroll in that but they said it was extra money added to my monthly bill and, yeah, I still had to pay because I had to have the insurance for so long of a time before it could go into effect. On top of that they said I’d have to get a written note from my employer about being fired, like an adult version of “please excuse my daughter from gym class” note. Ridiculous.
Even the Juliet chick on the show said, “But then why are they so mean to us (the creditors) when we call them.” The “financial adviser” said, “Because you didn’t tell them you were unemployed.” {snort} I still have creditors calling me saying, “this is a desperate situation and you need to redeem this immediately!” to which I reply with, “I have told your company numerous times for the past year that I am unemployed. I have no money. When I have money, I will pay you.” This, apparently, does not matter. I even have “official” sounding calls like, “we’re from a law office” (I looked up their number by the way on Google, and they’re a creditor, same as the others, and it’s no law office.)
I’ve commented before on the stupidity of some of these financial advisers. The one that killed me was some dark haired girl on a news show, telling this guy who was a full time public school teacher to “get a second job.” As if this girl had any idea how much of your life is sucked out through just teaching. The poor guy was single, had bought a house and just wanted to know if he should use his retirement to pay off his credit card debt. No, he shouldn’t, which I could have told him, because he’ll need that and the credit crunch is temporary. But to just say, “get a second job” like it was nothing was ridiculous in itself because, Hello there aren’t jobs to be had out there!
Where do they find these people anyway?
The moral of my entry today is to do what you think is right and don’t listen to anyone’s advice (this goes for finances as well as anything in your life.) No one knows more about your life and your circumstances that you. I hadn’t worked for over a year, and I had 10 or more calls a day about my credit cards and they aren’t even that large in comparison to what other people have to deal with. Even when I investigated debt consolidation, is said that paying what I could would still keep my debt as “bad” and not clear anything up. I’ve had no new credit cards, no new purchases, nothing except paying for food, gas, bills, rent, insurance, etc. I cannot imagine what families for four are doing with a mortgage and expenses for kids to go along with that. Sheesh.
So I wonder now that the whole world knows none of us can pay for anything anymore. Not the credit cards we used to buy furniture and moving expenses, not our school loans, not our car loans, nothing. I wonder if we’re going to all get some bail out option. That is, dear creditors, when we have the ability to take up these options and pay. There is no sense in being adamant about offering us write off payments when, Hello, we have no money!
I don’t know what that lady was thinking this morning when she said, “Oh just tell them you lost your job and they’ll help you through it. If that’s true, I want that lady to call my credit card companies and my loan companies and tell them that this is what they should do.” Maybe that will stop them from calling me all day and hanging up or “insisting” that I “call immediately” because my “situation is very important.” If it’s that important, then why didn’t they offer me to work as a debt collector at their office to pay it off. Sheesh.


One day like this a year’d see me right! November 11, 2008


So typing in a journal. I forgot I had that capability. I’ve just not written much of anything lately for and about myself. I kept thinking to, kept thinking I should start a new blog, get onto a new project but, alas, I have too many reasons to not. Old things tie you. You become so attached for so many reasons that it’s easier to go along with what was then ditch it all for something new. Maybe I can have duel diaries; one for random, “this is what’s going on?” as D.D. is, and one for “this is really what’s going on.” I’d like that. I’d like it to be without hype and without promotion too. Just sitting there, waiting to be read by the random passer by.

But anyway, so what’s going on? Okay, I’ll write it down. I’ll list it even since that’s making things easier for me these days. I have to first mention that I’m quite down today too. I have this nagging feeling about the election; what the world wants generally isn’t a good thing, as most people can agree. So it’s scaring me to death at what’s to come (though I know I shouldn’t be.) And since I’m so in the minority on this, I won’t say anything else about it. I just hope it really is the right thing.

So back to the list:

Librarian School still hasn’t given me a thumbs up or down and I’d really like to know if I’m in because otherwise I need to send transcripts to other schools (not that I have the money for that anyway. It seems like my stakes have to be set in this school I’m awaiting a word on anyway.)

I have been offered a temporary full time job at the Cape. This means I have to give up teaching in the afternoons and try to manage just teaching at night at least until Christmas. Today I have to meet with the professor who is taking over for me then meet with the class and get them ready for the exam next week. Plus, I have papers to grade and turn back so I have to make sure everything is accounted for before I turn them over to someone else. I like the students there, I do, but teaching in the afternoons has been a bit of a pain. I leave in heavy 5 o’clock Orlando traffic and I’m starving and ready to go home, just to have the empty apartment waiting for me. But I digress…

So, the new job requires security. I’ve gone through all the security clearance hoopla (even having to report the statistics of my ex and not B.B. which I found odd) and about my traffic violations (I can’t remember that stuff!) and the drug test (they tricked me and gave me a breathilizer too; good thing I didn’t have a beer the night before!) That should be cleared, if they get ahold of everyone who I listed as friends, neighbors and co-workers, and they don’t find any discrepancies in my file, in six to ten days. Next week, I’m hoping, will begin regular work.


It’s not even 11 in the morning and I’m already hungry and making pasta for lunch. Oh well.
I’m also forcing myself to grade papers and get things in order. I really should tally grades up too but, alas, I just want to be done with the class I’m dropping and go back to fiddling around with fun work for the class I’m keeping. I met with the new teacher last week, the one who is taking over for me in for the afternoon class. I am so grateful for him to take this class over and I’m glad the students are optimistic about him teaching them. I can’t help but think how teachers are so stuck in their own ways and I’m wondering how this transition will go on Thursday. I keep thinking too, how the new teacher sort of gave me 20 questions about how and what I did things, even giving me the typical, “Well did you try this with them?” What was most “interesting” about the new teacher’s suggestions is that I’ve taught for a longer time and {cough cough} have more experience under my belt. But, we all know how people love to be; oh, let me give you my advice and my input on something you never asked me to give you advice or imput about.

Anyway, I’m done with that after today too. (Unless said new teacher continues to ask me questions about it. I’ll go as far as to mention that I’m a tender hearted gal and this is an older man so it’s safe to say we both have vastly different approaches to teaching.)

So back to this pasta I’m cooking. I’m back on my diet after going to every fast food place in town. I’ve thankfully not gotten too big but, alas, I have to really watch my intake again. I’m hoping with the full time job and the regular schedule it will cut my food down to size once again. I will no longer be sitting around being bored at night and munching as a form of entertainment. (I have even resorted to food shopping as an activity of exercise and mental occupation in the wee hours of evening.)

I’m starting a different exercise routine as the treadmill in my local gym has been broken for, oh, 3 months now (at least). I started jogging a bit on Friday and while I could be doing the same today, I have these papers around me and the starvation making me ill at the moment, so instead I’m typing and waiting for my whole wheat rotini to boil for 15 minutes.

I’ll tell you what I’m sick of. I’m sick of stupid Firefox. I don’t understand why its add-ons break the browser. I don’t understand why some add-on toolbars show up whenever they feel like it. I don’t understand why websites simply won’t work in it sometimes. I don’t understand why it lost its appeal so quickly just by being crummy. I don’t understand how I can need, yet another browser, such as Chrome to combat Firefox’s lack of performance. And I thought IE was bad. Sheesh.

Anyway, I’ll put together this blog post today. It’s been a while so I really should get cracking on it. I worked at school late last night so some work is done, but, alas, some work still needs to be completed. And no calls for my new job yet, no calls from Librarian School. Only random hang up calls from Unknown callers as usual.

Man, I’ll be glad when I can work and get the credit monsters off my back, at least for a while.

No sooner did I write that when I was called for my new job. I start on Monday. Of course, thanks to my parents, I started getting that second guessing feeling of, “You know it’s only temp work. You only get temp work, you never get regular work like everyone else…” Stupid thoughts. At least I can fight them off a lot easier now though.

Photo credit: LivingWilderness

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The joy of repetition really is in you April 30, 2008

Filed under: miscellaneous — deloresdefacto @ 5:51 pm

Since I don’t really have anything to report in a blog update, I snagged this picture and decided to make, yet another, random list of things to mention:

— After watching The Shape of Things to Come last week, I can see how they’re making it seem as if Sawyer is going to die, along with Claire and, hence, the baby, Aaron will have to be taken with Hurley, Kate and Jack. For the first time, I actually felt a tad sorry for Ben and I loved how they’re (seemingly?) tying up some loose ends as far as how things happened and what exactly the black smoke is. (Time travelling black hole that brings animals, people, etc. back and forth through time. If you get stuck in a black hole, you get eaten up into oblivion.) But Sawyer simply can’t die and I’m sure he’s going to hide from the “bad guys” and find Locke while everyone else leaves the island.

Something Nice Back Home, tomorrow’s episode, doesn’t have any info online yet, but according to my cable box info: “Juliet and Kate must work together to save Jack when his health is seriously compromised; something goes wrong as Sawyer, Claire, Miles and Aaron head back to the beach.” Again, they’re trying to hint at Sawyer having something happen to him so he may or may not die along with Claire. I wonder whose flashback / flashforward will be the focus for this episode. I’m guessing Claire since she’s probably going to be killed off soon.

— Speaking of what happened when and how everyone is connected, Dominic Monaghan was on MadTV with a “Domi-Lost” skit. It’s not as funny as SNL would do (because I never watch MadTV and don’t care for anyone on the show as far as I’ve ever in the past) but I’m glad I happened to see that this was on. This other skit was wrong but funny as hell.

— Aside from Lost (which I was so glad to have back, by the way), we only have four more episodes of The Tudors left. I must say, I am very happy with the character change that Henry is taking on. I like that, despite his conscience telling him that killing More is wrong, he is so bloody arrogant and hot headed, that he has to go along with his original ideas, just so he won’t admit that he was wrong. And I can totally see how he’s going to see the opportunity to change his mind, without taking blame, after Katherine dies and killing Anne off will give him a fresh start in the legitimate, male heir, please England, love me again, department. I also like how Jonathan Rhys Meyers is getting a bit bigger and taking on the shape of a Greek statue. No complaints here. I just wish his eyes didn’t make him look like he’d been snatched by aliens from time to time.

— In personal news, nothing, I repeat, nothing else has been going on. I got a call from a place I applied for as a secretary last week. The guy went over my information and said he’d call back but never did. {shrug} So all I can count on is the school loan money that will come supposedly by the end of summer (which isn’t much of a relief since we haven’t even started summer yet.) But I have stuff to do for my grad program’s literature magazine so that will give me the much needed incentive to get the work that I’ve been putting off done in a couple of weeks.

— Since things have been so boring lately, it’s hard to want to be jazzed about what I’m reading and working on. I mean, I have fleeting moments of glee when I come up with some interesting plot twist or opinion on the author I’ve pick up from the shelf (the library has been sending me bills already because one of my shelves is full of three month overdue books.) But all in all, it’s a very humdrum kind of routine I have around here. If there were anything exciting, I’d be more inclined to discuss something other than random acts of television watching.

— I did clean up the sidebar on my blog so that the widgets wouldn’t (presumably) slow the site down. I can’t stand how the new WordPress widget editor is set up though. You’re supposed to drag and drop them where you want them in the sidebar but, instead, they run off to the bottom or top of the screen once you unclick them in the spot you want them to be in. It’s like trying to color within the lines with an optical mouse. They’re only so much hand-eye coordination that I can handle at a time, especially when I’m doing a trial and error system to see what script codes will work in the widget text boxes.

So anyway, that’s all I have to put on the electronic blog table right now. I am sure I’ll think of something interesting in the next couple of days but until then, I’m going back to the television, the bookshelf, the legal pad and the Word files. There’s so much I still have to get done.

And this is nice. Now that Keith told me that I “should get rid of the UTW plugin, as it doesn’t work in any version of WP past 2.3 anyway…” in order for CTC to work, I lost all of my tags. Very nice. I just had to reload and activate UTW again so my post tags would come back. Now they’re in my post editor but they don’t show up in the preview. Sigh…what’s happening with this?

Photo credit: Rolling Stone