she knew she had to change her plans

About October 26, 2005

Vanity Fair 02

If Vanity Fair ever asks me to answer the Proust Questionnaire for one of their future editions, I’ll have my answers ready…

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
– Living independently but not alone. Having a life fulfilled with my needs met. My needs consist of writing, contentment, food, shelter, entertainment, friendship, family and love.

What is your greatest fear?
– Death, physical and emotional agony and complete loss of control.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
– I think I identify with Dorothy Parker’s life the most. Her ashes remained in someone’s desk for 17 years before anyone looked for them.

Which living person do you most admire?
– I admire Scarlett Johansen and Kate Winslet for their beauty, Julia Stiles and Claire Danes for their intelligence, Jennifer Aniston for her down-to-earth-ness, Gwen Stephani for her style and Sarah Jessica Parker for her coolness and wit.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
– Worrying too much about what people think, yet, not being able to be someone who doesn’t have people’s opinions flying at them.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
– Being a liar and a fake.

What is your greatest extravagance?
– I buy way too many things that I don’t need like shoes and magazines and random things on EBay.

What is your favorite journey?
– I liked my trip to California the most. I saw the entire West Coast and for the first time, went to another country, Mexico, although I never stepped foot out of the car. I also enjoy the aimless journey in my car that I often take around town.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
– Singing and acting. There are so many of people who have this talent but never produce anything of their own to make themselves worth the popularity they are given.

On what occasion do you lie?
– I elaborate on stories to make them sound funnier. I change a few words around. Then I lie when I write fiction because none of that crap is true.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
– My nose, for sure.

Which living person do you most despise?
– I can’t stand Avril Lavigne, Geralo Rivera, Tom Cruise and any girl on television that treats dumbness as a virtue. Why haven’t these people been taken by “The Others” by now?

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
– I say “like” and “you know” way too much in my verbal dissertations.

What is your greatest regret?
– Not being smarter and making better choices from the age of about 15 years old and up.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
– I would say my ex-husband but I’m sure I’ll fall for some who is nice to me one day.

Which talent would you most like to have?
– Of course I will say I wish I had a greater talent for writing but I would love to be a musician and a movie director as well. I’d also like to have that talent were women can lure gorgeous men in the most subtle ways.

What is your current state of mind?
– Right now my mind is saying that the coffee is done brewing, my stomach feels ill and the cat wants attention. Generally speaking though, I’m very content being at home working on my writing instead of wasting my time working for someone else. But, of course, not working for someone else means no money and no reason to get up and put on cute clothes in the morning.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
– I’d like to have a family of my own. I’d like a husband and maybe a kid or two later on so I can take a stab at having a functional family situation for a change.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
– I survived. All of it. I survived. Heartache, dissapointment, rejection, bad choices, anxiety, ridicule, naivite, depression and worry. Thankfully, I got through all of it.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
– I would like to come back like Billy Pilgrim in Vonnegut’s Slaughter-House Five. I’d like my timeline to repeat so I could understand what was going on and be less afraid of the outcome.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
– If I don’t make it as such in this life, I’d like to come back as a damn good writer who got the credit they deserve. I’d like to come back as someone with more confidence in themselves and their craft.

What is your most treasured possession?
– The boxes of old notebooks, letters, photos and magazines that I keep. Those are the irreplacable artifacts of my life that I want to leave for my children or any grad student who may want to write a thesis on me one day in the year 2525.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
– There is a pit that depression can trap you in. Usually the reaaction to the cruel action and inaction of the member of the opposite sex can lead you to this pit. How logical and rational your state of mind is at the time of these events measures how far you sink down before climbing back to the edge. You can even walki away from it the pit and leave it behind you, but you always know the pit is there.

Where would you like to live?
– I’d like to live in various U.S. cities for a year each like New York and L.A. and Seattle, but then I’d like to spend a long time living around Europe and coming back and forth from there to Florida for years.

What is your favorite occupation?
– Writer, professor, editor, freelance journalist for Rolling Stone, screenwriter, guitarist, comedian.

What is your most marked characteristic?
– Aside from this intelligence that I spell out in my words, I am pretty funny but I always see myself as neurotic and intense.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
– Talent, uniqueness, intelligence, humor and kindness. The men I like are the ones who stand out and are usually in the category of “cute.” They have to have a personality, have good taste in everything from music to movies and and a damn coolness that can’t be contrived. I spot these men out when I see them alone and then later realize that 100 other women saw the same qualitites in them that I did.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
– I like girls who value independence and marriage. I admire the girls who can manage to and have both.

What do you most value in your friends?
– That they understand how I am and will always be my friends even if I hibernate from society for weeks at a time.

Who are your favorite writers?
– Carver, Hemingway, Salinger, Shakespeare (of course), Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Wright, Kerouac and even Brett Easton Ellis because of his present tense point of view (the gore is for shock value and I don’t buy into it.)

Who are your favorite musicians?
– Jack White and Billy Corgan are constantly battling it out for #1 status in my book. Billy Corgan has this raw, hynotic talent but he lacks integrity. Jack White has a simple cleverness to his credit and the integrity to back it up. The battle isn’t so much as to who has the talent it’s how they use their talent that intrigues me.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
– Carrie Bradshaw, Ophelia and Scarlet O’Hara.

Who are your heroes in real life?
– I have some pretty cool women on my father’s side of the family who are artistic, intelligent and actively live out their life’s passions.

What are your favorite names?
– Lux, Vivian, Elizabeth, Beatrice, Gwendolyn and Ivy for girls. Donavan, Elijah, Jack, Jake and Dominic for boys.

What is it that you most dislike?
– Immorality, cruelty, miscommunication, misunderstanding, vapidness, triteness and pompousness. I dislike stale coffee, being embarrassed, feeling inadequate and getting sick.

How would you like to die?
– Any way that does not include fear, panic or pain. I’d like to have some control over my fate.

What is your motto?
– Luckily I’ve lived my life knowing that I will get, in some form, what I essentially need out of life. If it doesn’t come easily, then it’s better to walk away and look at the situation in an objective perspective.


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