Delor.es.Defacto

she knew she had to change her plans

That’s when you know that you have to fly December 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — deloresdefacto @ 1:58 am
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As is the way when you write, that you’re supposed to work as you’re inspired and work continually.  I, therefore, have to write something today because I haven’t put anything down on paper, even in my notebook journal, today.  I wanted to write this blog post a few days ago anyway, so this will be another sporadically added entry.  But no matter.  As long as I keep this blog up a bit, I will be content.

I chose the picture and the title because I overcame my fear of flying.  Well, for the most part I think.  On my way to see my mister I had my first all out panic attack.  Now, I’ve been scared and upset before but not to the extreme that I had at the airport.  But thanks to him, I was able to calm down and remember that my life isn’t all about me anymore, and that’s good.  I have someone else to care for and who needs me, so sitting there being afraid of nothing was keeping my focus on me.  And it’s so easy to sit here for months and worry about something.  So when the time came to face the fear me and my lessons from Flying without Fear I got through it.  I highly recommend this to anyone who is worried about flying;  it puts everything into perspective by a retired British Airways captain.

What the trip proved to me is that I am ready to take the steps necessary to secure my future.  Being afraid is just something devilish that deters you from your goal.  It keeps you from being logical, brave, strong, determined, etc.  I’m so glad I know what awaits me and how happy it makes me.  Everything I’m aiming for is right for me, so the settled feeling in my soul is wonderful.

With that said, I’ve been realizing a lot about how great it is that I’m moving out of my past and old ways.  My ex-friend is still texting me and trying to contact me.  I certainly would not try to keep contacting someone whom I wasn’t that close to in the past 3 years, whom I hadn’t verbally spoken to in almost one year, and whom told me I was an angry, shouty, selfish person.  But, hey, that’s just me.  I would take the criticism and ignore them.  I had that happen before and it ended up that we’re friends again now, though I make sure to keep my distance with her.  But that lead me to think about how all of my past friends were the type who were angry, critical and “self righteous” as one of my old friends put it.  And once I was friends with them, I started to see how they liked to use me to make themselves feel better.  It was usually verbal or being asked for “favors” over and over and used, basically.  Used emotionally for the most part.  And, yes, I offered up friendship and got to know them well but I never asked anything of them except friendship.  When I saw that the friendship they offered wasn’t good for me, it was quite hard on them.  I never felt a lasting closeness to them.  It was like all the time I knew something wasn’t right.

But then once I started working, I met girls who were genuinely nice and who had their own life and didn’t need me to be their friend.  They didn’t ask me for anything continuously or try to critique me just so they could feel superior.  After I finally snapped out of my depression and started getting my life on track, I didn’t realize how much time I wasted on the wrong people.  Now I have the right people in my life and it’s just so, so much better. 

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