she knew she had to change her plans

Everybody just want to play the lead August 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — deloresdefacto @ 1:54 pm

I’m going to start this blog post now and post it whenever I get ready to do so.  Maybe tonight, maybe Friday, maybe not until the weekend.  I’ve had a bit of a rejuvenation in my post interests, which is usually how it goes.  Post a few, stay a way for a while, post once, wait…  But I’ve been having the feeling of being in high school, or even elementary school again.  Like when the time at school always seemed fun just because I had other things of interest that I could think about while I sat at a desk around my friends. 

I got my call back to work last Friday and I started back yesterday (Wednesday.)  It was a complete surprise since the whole space program is going topsy-tervy very soon.  People are getting laid off and our company is going from one thing into two, uncertain companies next year.  So just being able to hang out for a little over a month is nice.  Get some money, hang out and be around everyone again.  Have some motivation from day to day.  Yeah, it’s like going to school.  Like the first week of school when it’s familiar but new all at the same time and you feel excited for that second chance at something you’re use to.

It’s Friday now and I’ve had a good first few days back to work.  I couldn’t start on Monday this week so I only have three days in so far.  But the rest of the weeks, I’ll have all of my 40 hours in, but no overtime.  Since, again, the company is going into a new phase next year, I’m not sure what will happen now that the first set of people will be leaving around the same time I will. 

Now on Saturday, I will post this entry.  It’s nothing much, but it’s better than letting the blog sit here for months at a time without any action.  I got the Blackberry Curve in the mail from Ebay, so I have to set it up with the Twitter mobile options and such.  (No, I don’t have the Blackberry account set up;  just the basics.)  Once I get it figured all out, I can use it to Twitter some more from work or something.  And everyone loves Twitter.  Ha ha.  I looked into getting my Tumblr account updated with everything else.  I found it was way too hard to keep messing with all the mirror sites and cross posting.  Just the basic ones are going to have to be okay for me.  The whole purpose is to keep things less cluttered, more manageable.

Anyway, i think if I do write something each morning, I can do all right with keeping things updated.  Granted, there’s not much to say about work.  I sit at my desk, sort papers, enter things in databases.  Nothing really is going on since the Space Program is dwindling down.  Well, I mean it’s starting up in a new direction, but it’s not with our company, so once the shuttle goes, a lot of people will go.  People are already going, my Dad included, so it’s already beginning;  that whole change over into a new, uncertain chapter in Space Exploration.

The only other mention I have is with friends again.  One of my friends from high school is someone I still talk to once in a while in email and texts.  And I just can’t let that go any further.  I can’t go visit, I can’t really participate in keeping a lot of communication up.  It’s just the same things with her and I cut off ties with that a long time ago when I realized how it was hindering me rather than anything.  This is the same with my recent break off of friendships.  I had to just let that go even though I knew it would probably upset her.  But when it came right down to it, I had nothing to connect with her on anymore.  She wanted me to do things for her constantly despite what I had going on in my own life.  And I’m not the type to confront anyone if they’ve hurt me, so I just let the whole thing go.  I’ve thought about it a lot lately, but once I got back to work, I realized I was only thinking about it because I was just out of productivity mode.  Once I started using my time wisely, the revelation came that I’m doing the best thing for me and I shouldn’t feel guilty.  None of my separation from any former friends is to be cruel, it’s just that I’m a different person and the connection of common ground isn’t there anymore.  I don’t want to be yelled at, cursed at, used as a doormat or an outlet for negative babble.  I’m a happy person and I want to be surrounded by happy people.  What I had before was far from happy and I have no intention of going back.  I have clear goals in mind.  No one in my past was supportive or caring to begin with, I was just the one who didn’t put up a fuss.  Now I just don’t want to say anything to them anymore.  Past things don’t have much impact on me anymore.

Well, aside from the dream I had about my Grandma last night.  I called her on the phone, I was going to visit her in Ohio.  I remember in the dream, I was trying to make it be her voice I heard on the line, but it’s funny how voices get removed from our memory.  We have to hear them again to remember.  I think my Great Uncle had the last video of her before she died, and I remember seeing it long ago.  Who knows where that stuff is.  It could still be in that house;  the house that my Great Grandparents raised their family in.  I miss Ohio a bit for things like that.  I won’t mind when my parents move back after Dad leaves work and I can get out of Florida in my own direction.


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