So for the next episode in the sitcom that is my life…
I went to my parents’ for dinner because they promised to greet me with pizza. I had a small one to myself and I ate the whole thing. That, some fat free chips and a cup of apple sauce was all I had today so I’m not guilty for eating so much. It was good and it was worth every single calorie and fat gram I ingested from each slice.
I sat around and helped Dad set up his new scanner and then decided to take a trip to a couple of stores just to walk off some of my dinner. After walking through Staples for a while and getting irritated that the only wide rule, hard cover notebook they had was $5 (Why does everyone want college ruled anymore? It’s so…Limiting.) I then decided to go to Target.
I look through the clothes for a while and hear a girl yelling at her boyfriend. “Oh you want me to lower my voice? You don’t want me to make an f-ing scene? Well I’ll make an f-ing scene if you’re going to f-ing talk to me like that…” Blah, blah, blah. And I didn’t look up to see what the couple looked like but from the girl’s words and actions, I guessed she was some 20 something twit who had no idea how to act in public or how to keep a guy’s pride in tact. (When they act like an ass, either let it go or wait until you’re in private, then let him have it.) Now, mind you this was 8:30 at night, so there were plenty of people in the store to hear this crap and Lord knows that girl wanted all of the negative attention that she could get.
After getting an earful of that, I listen to a dad, whose son has asked him “Why can’t I have this toy?”, reply to his kid with, “Because I’m the ruler of your life and I always will be and don’t you forget it.” I hear some guy mocking his girlfriend’s choice in clothes and I think to myself, “Dear Lord, this is why I don’t want to get married…”
However, I wander through the shoes, then the media section and find Jack White on the cover of Rolling Stone and all hope is restored. (Jack White equals a gold star day.) So I’m looking at the magazine, minding my own affair, and the stupid girl who was fighting with her boyfriend ten minutes earlier is on her cell phone, talking at the top of her lungs to one of her friends, while she stands in the aisle, breaking my concentration. She says in the phone the following:
“I was going to break up with him two weeks ago and I should have and now he’s going to f-ing dump me after my f-ing husband just died!” (I was guessing a prison brawl or an over-dose.) “How can he f-ing treat someone like that in public? I’ve done some bad things but I at least f-ing care about people. It’s karma. He’ll get exactly what he f-ing deserves. I’m going to wear my party dress and paint the town red and he’ll f-ing see what he missed out on…”
And here comes the best part. For those of you who don’t know, one of the stadiums where they do Spring Training for Major League Baseball is around here.
“I can’t believe I gave up a night hanging out with the pitcher for The Nationals to hang out with a guy who dumped me…I know he’s not good looking but I should give him a shot. I always date rock star, loser guys. Like, oh you have a job and a car, sorry can’t help you. But the pitcher will be in town for another few weeks because he lives in Washington…””
When I called Fran to recount this story to her, we laughed about this part hysterically. I looked at the girl a few times and she wasn’t anything more than some white trash girl who would some day end up auditioning for a part on Rock of Love. Whatever delusions that girl was under, I seriously hope she seeks help and soon.
Oh yeah, she also mentioned to her friend that she was going to “go home to my kid, read my book and remember who I am.” Uh huh. Good luck with that one. I can’t even imagine being that crazy. At least that guy dumped her when he did. As Fran said, “I would have left her at Target too!”
But at least this made my evening a bit interesting. I’ve still had the stiff neck and the lack of motivation to get my work done. At least today, making myself ditch the nap for a shower and venture around town proved worthy. Now I have an amusing story, a full belly, a visit with my parents (that didn’t drive me insane), a good conversation with my friend, a magazine to entertain me (too bad I’m too much of a fuddy duddy now to cut the pics out and put on my fridge next to Jonathan Rhys Meyers and myself; we look good together) and some super cute bathroom decor. I ditched the black and white motif for the time being because they had a stack of the ever enticing clearance items. I bought a shower curtain that is white cotton with green sketches of bath items on it; duckies, toothbrushes, soaps, tubs, razors, etc. Then one each of the pastel hand towels that match, as well as the package of washcloths to complete the collection. All in all; approximately $5 and totally springtime appropriate.
I’ve been noticing lately, with the weather change, that I’m recalling the times of early spring when I was a kid. Isn’t it funny how you can walk out into a warm, sunny morning and remember have the same feeling you did when stepping out onto the playground after lunch?
Speaking of which, yes, the title of the post is from a Jem and the Holograms song.
Photo credit: rborja