she knew she had to change her plans

When I hear my name, I wanna disappear March 12, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — deloresdefacto @ 11:52 pm

For my school, I had taken on the volunteer job as an editor for the literary magazine. When the issue came to me in the mail this week, I noticed one small flaw in the editors’ list: my name was on two lines.
Firstname Middlename
Middlename Lastname
So much for making an impression on even the smallest of literary circles. I can’t very well own up to the idea of having two of me around.
But I wondered about how it is funny that all this time I wanted to be put in print somewhere other than the dinky, independent newsletters I’ve been published in years ago. (They took anything so, trust me, I couldn’t really feel proud of any of my poetry I submitted.) I decided to email the Editor in Chief and told her to write my ex-name as I had always intended on using for my pen name.
She apologized and assured me it would be written correctly in the next issue. I then proceeded to submit a couple stories for the next issue under the “right” name.
I called my mother and emailed Laura with the same message, “When they ask you, in fifty years, about me for my biography; make sure to mention that story.”

Then, that very night, after I “entered” my name as I had conceived it, I was watching Dominic Monaghan on Jay Leno and during his interview about his photo exhibit, he said my last name. (I think he’s on to me.)
I know he’s a 5’7″ (my height), fidgety, geeky guy but, damn, I still say, as I’ve been saying for years now; I’d propose to him if I ever saw him on the street. Not that he’d accept the offer but still, I may get lucky and he may be drunk when I ask him. {shrug} I go on and on about other celebrity guys that I like, and since Jack White is married already (even though I’m still keeping an eye out for the opening bid as his third wife) I’m going to have to go with the nerdy, British guy as my number one pick. I don’t know why. I just think he’s cute and he reminds me of the guys I usual pick out who can hang out to all hours of the night. Unfortunately, I would probably end up in divorce court over his skirt chasing, but, hey, that’s the risk I can take with any guy. At least with him I could talk to him when he was around. At least he wouldn’t be boring, that’s for sure. Sigh…

Anyway, it made me laugh to myself that after all my agonizing over who I am in the literary world and where I will end up, my name seemed to be as much of an art form as my writing. Plus, I was thinking about how this whole financial crisis I’ve ended up in and all of the debits that have accrued over a short period of time makes sense. Of course I’m going to have crappy things happen to me, otherwise, what the hell am I going to write about? If I were happy I wouldn’t feel compelled to get all of my aggression out every day. Maybe if I were too busy with some corporate, dead end job, I wouldn’t have the clear brain capacity to write anything and this is my big chance to utilize the time God’s given me. I think all of this happened for special reasons. There has to be a reason for everything and, Lord knows everything that seemed to be the most traumatic has pushed me in the right direction.

And speaking of direction, I talked to my professor again on the phone tonight to catch up on the two stories I sent to him a while ago. I have a couple of weeks to finish working on the longer piece (it may end up being a small book length) and the other short stories I want to add in for my final manuscript. I’m still not sure which one I’m better at; condensed, get in and get out, short stories or the longer, more moment-to-moment detailed prose. Maybe I can get away with both at some level. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Delores D. Monaghan., here I come! 😛

Photo credit: tantrum_dan


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