she knew she had to change her plans

Givin’ up your wine, women and song September 9, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — deloresdefacto @ 8:01 pm

I’ve decided that my body just does not like alchol anymore. I don’t know that it ever did, but I dealt with it nicely. We’ve said it over and over again that once upon a time in our years of initial going out all night days that we could sleep for four hours and get up and function the next day. We could go to work and to school, take a nap and then do it all over again. Every night. I’ve accepted the fact that those times are gone.
Now after drinking during the evening I feel the nice comfortable fuzziness that beer or wine brings on. But sometimes I can’t get to sleep and if I do sleep it’s on and off all night and I can’t get up and throw in the towel on sleeping the fuzziness off because it last the whole next day. I sleep as much as I can and still get up to a groggy, half conscious mind set. I eat, it doesn’t go away. I lie on the couch and watch TV, it just annoys me. I take a shower, I feel sleepy. Unless I stay put in my bed the whole time and try to not do anything that requires some kind of advanced brain activity, I’m frustrated and distracted. This is what having a brain like pancake batter is like. I’ve just never realized that the description fit so well before.
I never use to get hangovers. I would just stay drunk the next day. I would go to class and be drunk. I would have the taste of vodka and tequila and rum and Southern Comfort and Wild Turkey (yes, there was that one time…) and still freaking move out of my bed and not just hate life. I just hated that people just knew I wasn’t sober. Now I just hate feeling incapable of doing normal tasks. I can’t even talk on the phone or do the wash without being pissed off at life and my lack of brain function the next day.
This was just from having wine at dinner last night. We went to the Knights’ benefit dinner last night. We had rolls, salad, prime rib, green beans, potatoes, more rolls and coffee. It wasn’t like I was drinking on am empty stomach. It wasn’t like it made me sick. I was sleepy all night after shopping and having dinner and hanging out and talking from 6:30 – 11:30. And I only had three glasses of wine. I wasn’t nursing a bottle to myself or anything. (Although I did take home a bottle for myself because, at the time, it seemed like a good idea.)
I fell asleep easily but woke up over and over in the night and morning, wishing I didn’t feel the urge to move from my spot for anything. Now I’m trying to do the laundry, make macaroni and cheese, watch Ordinary People (for the twentieth time — Elizabeth McGovern was just beautiful in the 80’s) and trying to write this freaking entry. None of it is working without frustration and distraction. (The best part was the “easy open” pouch for the cheese that I fought for 30 seconds and damn near breaking my teeth trying to rip it open before realizing I had the stupid thing upside down. Very nice.) Reading is out of the question, writing is becoming complicated due to the whole making complete, logical sentences part.
I need to just not drink anymore. I don’t think the whole feeling out of sorts for 24 hours afterwards is worth it. I don’t even drink the beer that I keep in the fridge. I drink when I’m around other people, but I just don’t even feel like drinking anymore otherwise.
I feel the same way about smoking a lot too. It’s totally just a habit to do to get away from whatever monotony I have in front of me. I should just not buy any and see how long it takes me before I go nuts. Last night when I was outside smoking with with Marie, this lady came up to up, too close to us, and gave us the speech about how we’re going to die and she was going to die 20 years ago unless she had quit. We gave her the usual, “Yeah, we know, we know. Good for you for quitting.” She didn’t let up and the whole intervention lasted longer than need be. But it did make me think. Last time I tried to quit I told people about it and I shouldn’t have. I should have done it on my own without disussing it. Things are so much easier to handle when you keep it to yourself. Other people’s opinions have a way of infesting personal situations.
Anyway, so I was going to wake up early yesterday so me and Fran could go shopping for our party dresses. I had taken my allergy pill and slept soundly until 12:30 in the afternoon. That was the best I’d slept in a long time. I guess I was tired from staring at the computer, working on my class the night before. We went to a few stores and for some odd reason we couldn’t find plain old Homecoming type dresses during this time of the school year. It made no sense. I was going to get a super cute ivory dress with big black polka dots on it at first. I tried it on and it fit perfectly but the zipper broke when I was in the dressing room. For $60 it was not worth it. Fran was willing to pay for it too for my birthday but I just couldn’t stomach a faulty dress for anything over than $20. The dress I ended up getting was plain cotton, black with white polka dots, totally my taste and when Fran took it to the register to pay for it, it was on sale for $9.99. Too perfect. The only problem was the dress was strapless and after I talked to my mother about it, she made the oh so positive comment of, “Well you don’t have a strapless bra, do you? You didn’t plan for this very well, now, did you.” (I swear, I don’t even know why I bother to discuss anything with her most of the time.) Anyway, I came home and took the quickest shower possible because by the time we got back from shopping, we had an hour to get to the benefit. I just wore my regular black bra so it looked like the dress had straps (or so made myself believe but the girls confirmed my belief.)
We had a good time but it was just a long night. Fran won every freaking raffle they had, I swear, and even got a trip to Key West out of it. Laura says she waiting for some of her luck to be thrown her way for a change.
Aside from these things, the Mtv Music Awards are tonight. I seriously doubt The White Stripes are even going to bother showing up, even though they should freaking win for Best Group but the overwhelming crap that ends up getting all of the attention outshadows the actual good stuff on Mtv. But they are going to be in New Mexico on the 13th so maybe that’s close enough to stay in Las Vegas for a few days. {shrug}


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